How can we know what we want in our life ~ if we do not know ourselves?
Someone asked me what I wanted to do after my children had grown and mostly moved on to their own lives. They might have well asked me how to fly to the moon. I know it sounds like a simple question but I have spent the last 26 years taking care of everyone else. What do I love? My kids! Aha yes, but what else?
Before
I wanted a family for as long as I can remember. It was the most important thing to me and all my plans worked toward this. I was so excited when the doctor called to say I was pregnant that I had to call them back to make sure I had heard them right. I went on to have 3 more soon after. I loved all their chubby cuteness and was in awe of all the discovered.
During
Then these four amazing children became active ~ in everything. I loved it! “Look at her in the adorable tutu. Watch him run to first with his first hit.” I was at every practice and every everything. When school started, activities grew and grew until instead of being involved in all their activities, I became the chauffer. I would drop one off, pick up another and try and feed them in between. I still loved going to games and concerts but that was my fulltime job. Filling the needs of everyone in the house. So much so, that I no longer even saw if I had needs.
Present Day
So here I am, asking myself what do I love? For a long time I was very upset to not know the answer. No longer. I had the opportunity to do exactly what I wanted. I was extremely lucky. Now ~ I have to chance to find that person I may have lost a little of but she is in here somewhere. The task today is not to do anything but to simply recognize. I hear the whispers of my authentic self call. And yes while I do not always know what she is saying, I do know I am going to love the journey.