I started this blog a few years ago. Reaching for something I think unknown to me at the time. Feeling out of space and out of time. Just knowing, that I didn’t want other people to feel like I did, like I was less than and alone. Now looking back I realize that this was not true. I am a person whose brain lies to them. This allowed me to believe I was not good enough, not as a mom or as a person. This led me to believe the other moms at school were better than me. They had more money and could do things I couldn’t. They were not afraid to speak out ~ to show themselves. Therefore, I viewed their lives as perfect and mine was not because somewhere I had failed.
Why Am I writing a blog?
This lie was reinforced in my head on a daily basis, as my brain pointed out my flaws to show me all the ways I had not been good enough ~ Strong enough ~Smart enough. I had no idea it was all a lie. All I knew was I never wanted another person to feel as bad as I did about themselves when they were working so hard at everything they loved. We need to know you are good enough. So without all the tools I needed I felt compelled to look for others who felt like I did.
I started writing aimlessly with no true purpose in front of me. I would feel twinges and think yes this is it, what I am suppose to be helping with, only to fall back into the abyss of my brain. Then I would become too busy to follow through and by the time I got back to me, I had forgotten what it was I learned. This cycle was exhausting. It wasn’t until many many years later that I learned our brains do lie and that I needed to overcome this. As time went by, I realized I was more than I had ever given myself credit for. I wanted to reach out to others and say you are good enough, you have done more than enough today, and be kind to yourself.
Still looking for my purpose
Today, I came across something I have felt deep in the core of me more times than I can count. Deep in places I don’t understand, yet yearn to grasp so I can be at peace. So I can some day finally put it all together and say “Tada ~ look I knew it, I knew I could do it.”
Except today I don’t understand the swirling. I don’t understand the needs and wants but I do know more than I did before. I know that my brain lies and I know if I continue to dig, dream, and work ~ I will figure it out.
From my first blog post, I have come a long way. I have a long long way to go! 😂 That is okay. One of my first posts says a lot about pushing ahead even when you do not feel capable of Walking through the fear. We do this all the time. I just think we do not give ourselves enough credit.
So why am I writing this blog?
I do understand better what this blog is about or not about. It is not going to magically fix you. You will not be the perfect cook, mom, or employee. It’s not one thing because one thing will not make our lives perfect. Being a women (caregiver, human) is hard. We are pulled in many different directions at once. Many times with no pause in our life or time to breath. This blog is going to be a place you can come to be supported. Where you can get advice and that your advice will be valued. I am not here to say I have all the answers! Heck, I am still finding my way. It will just tell you what you need to know right now ~~ You are good enough.